ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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