How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pants are for mortals
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
