every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
