Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
