They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
