I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there was a trapeze. enough said
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize