There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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