Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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