my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
