What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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