you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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