I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize