No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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