I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.