i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.