yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.