Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
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My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.