I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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