My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
