the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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