Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
