Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
