but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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