tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
