Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Someone shit on the floor
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize