I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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