Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
