Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
