Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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