Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
