I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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