im six kinds of drunk right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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