If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
