she looked like the bat from fern gully.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
