the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
