Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
