I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
