Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
