I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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