I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
