I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
