Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
