I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
