Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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