i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This baby is an asshole
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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