Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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