I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
