We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
