Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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