Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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