My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
