i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize