I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
