Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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