the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
