i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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