god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.