it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.