Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.