Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
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it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it