oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?