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Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So many bounce houses so little time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just high enough for therapy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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