Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
