I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
